I want to start a large, pork farm in Jerusalem and one in Mecca.
I would breed pigs of the finest stock, feed them organic whole grains, and then turn them into premium bacon and sausage.
The brand name would be "Aetheist Bacon" and "Aetheist Sausage."
I would send free boxes to the American, Israeli, and Palestinian leaders with a gold embossed card that read:
"Take your holy war out into the desert and shove it up your arse. Leave our beaches alone so the hot young people can catch a buzz and get it on playing co-ed nude volleyball. Now cook up the bacon and eat up motherfucker."
I think the U.S. should get there fucking nose out of Israeli/Palestinian business. If they can't sort out their own affairs then the beaches are ruined, along with my ham company.
