hey nvisibl, don't be so hard on yourself.
Over the years, I have pretty much asked myself those very same questions.
And because of those questions, over the years I have taken a more realistic view of where I am going with this stuff. What's really neat is that once I took the pressure off of myself (ie thinking that I have to "do something" in the music industry), my creativity really started to take off. I still have lofty (though more realistic) goals that keep me motivated - I would like to have enough decent material to be able to play out at the local clubs. Utltimately the whole process is a lot more enjoyable for me. When the creativity is there - I am wholly addicted to it, but when it isn't there, I can easily just step back and take a breather - no pressure.
I guess ultimately what I am trying to say is certainly figure out a way to stay motivated (and using pressure is definitely one avenue of motivation), but also see if there is a way you can step back and really just enjoy the whole process.
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