Hi Andrew, I enjoyed the atmosphere of your song, and I like the sort of menacing feel of those jungle toms.
Why don't you try staggering the vocal part in the peak/trough sections so that the vocal part fills its own space between the drum bursts - as it is, I feel the two parts are competing, almost as though the drums are attempting to silence the voice. Course, that may be what you wanted.
Possibly shorten the final passage a bit, too?
A few thoughts for you.
Suzzy
