Doc, Ted is a "Synthol Pig." Synthol is an oil used by bodybuilders to get all greasy before a contest posing judgement. Some fool a few decades ago figured out that it is possible to inject synthol into muscles that were "under developed" before a contest, causing them to swell to the "desired size" by the time judging was to occur. Synthol does not get absorbed/processed by the body quickly, and so, some morons, like Ted have chosen to inject many portions of certain muscle groups with Synthol, causing the muscle to swell to ridiculous proportions, and making them look like something out of a bad LSD trip while in a maximum security penetentiary...Not bodybuilders at all these fools. Real bodybuilders look something like this:
OR THIS:
Matt, What kind of dog does your neighbor have? Did you piss the bed?